A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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