I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
