I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
