i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
