Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
