hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We don't watch enough power rangers
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
