Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
