I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
