Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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