Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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