I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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