We won't sleep together?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
