First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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