the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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