**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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