Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
