You're completely useless in the revolution.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
