Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't think brook has ever known best
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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