I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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