Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
