I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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