he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
