I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize