Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
