doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
