I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
