I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
