I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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