when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
