Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
