just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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