I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
