I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
