i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
