She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
