did you get engaged???
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
