So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
