Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
