drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
