my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
