yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
