i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize