I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
high people should be assigned attendants
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
