I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
