Moan for me like Helen Keller
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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