You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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