you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
