You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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