I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
