my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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