win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
