We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
