I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if only i could text you this smell
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
