Porn is love you can see.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize