I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Are my feet made of real feet?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
