I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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