The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
