when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
