I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
