Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Never joke about your clitoris.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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