i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
