You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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