i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
