He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In other news, I just burned my penis
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
