If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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