we're blogging at a bar
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
