I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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