I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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