when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
