my mouth tastes like poor choices
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
